Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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