so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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