i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
