this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
