I think i sorta joined a cult last night
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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