Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I just gift wrapped bread.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
then he tried to convert me to islam
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
