I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
