i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
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