just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
