Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
