he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
two words...techno handjob
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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