You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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