he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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