Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Randomize
