Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
