just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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