the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize
