whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
from now on my penis is your penis
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
