I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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