there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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