Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
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