I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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