My liver just broke up with me...
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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