I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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