I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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