You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
