just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
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