people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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