I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
