I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
