hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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