Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
