Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
