I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize