I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
