ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
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