people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
