I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
