YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
