it was like his penis was on wheels.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize