im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
