my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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