You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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