The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
