Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Randomize
