I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
