I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
