i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
