if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
