Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
