Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
