Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
