One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
