So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Just pee around me
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
