I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
