u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
