I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
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