I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
