When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
