She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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