I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
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