Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
