38 yer olds are good kisserssss
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
