I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
