Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
