i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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