how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Need sex. Gaining weight.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
