I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
