dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize