My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
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