You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
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