And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
