She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
