so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
