My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
