My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
i out mim tonsoeep
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