if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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