I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
