he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Randomize
