I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Please, let me fuck your mom
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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