my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
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