***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
