she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
