An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
