We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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