lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
