you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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