my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
