I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
