she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
