I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
