well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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