There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
